Friday, May 2, 2014

Love & Marriage

When I was a young girl, I did like most girls who dream of being married.  Each boyfriend I dated, I would write my name with his last name to see how it would look (as if how my name looked could decide if he was my husband LOL).  As I got older and experienced life and relationships more, I changed my view of love and marriage.  I believed in the idea of marriage. My issue was finding a man I trusted who believed in it too.  I didn't want to think about marriage until I was so close to 30 that it would scare me. I guess I spoke my fate into existence because I will be married at the age of 29.

I dated really good guys who were good to me, but I felt something was missing. I dated guys who weren't honest about their true intentions and who lied and cheated on me.  After each relationship I took the time to understand what exactly happened to cause it to end.  From there, I looked at MY hand in the demise of the relationship. I've learned that I could only be better for the next person.

I had one relationship in particular that had a rough ending for me. It threw me for a loop. I had to find a way to get myself together.  I did that by getting my priorities together and taking time for myself.  I continued to stay active in church and I deepened my relationship with God.  I moved into my first apartment and all  I had was me. I honestly loved it. I had the freedom to what I wanted. I spent time with myself. I took time away from dating and fell in love with myself. I learned what I wanted from my next relationship.  Eventually I started to date again, but it was easy to let them go when things were not right because I knew the guys were not what I needed.  I did not look for the guys just to fill a lonely void with something physical. I kept busy, and dated myself.  Hung out with my friends and stay involved with church.   

The first conversation I had over the phone with my fiance Nygel lasted until the sun came up.  It was the best conversation of my life.  I enjoyed my time with him.  He really became my best friend.  The problem was I was afraid to commit to him because of some personal things of my past.  He was strong, caring and I felt safe with him.  I took a chance and it was the best choice of my life.  Now I seriously look forward to marriage. We are a team and I would not rather have anyone else by my side.  He does not complete me.  I am already whole. He compliments my life in the best way where I may be lacking and add to the good things I already have. 

For those who are still looking for their Mr. or Mrs.. I can only tell you a few things of what worked for me: 
  • Understand yourself and what you need.
  • Find your best friend.
  • It its OK to make mistakes as long as you learn and move forward
  • Spend time with yourself and be alone.
  • Learn to love yourself.
  • Don't keep the old around because you don't make space for the new.
  • Don't look for someone to occupy your time if they are not worthy.
  • Do not have someone around just for the physical. Make way for the one God has for you.
  • Get to know God and his love.
  • Learn to trust and step out on faith.
  • Don't bring your past into your present or future if it does not positively influence it.

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful and you are 100% right. I believe when I matured and learned who I was I was spending a lot of time in church and want looking for anybody but God sent me that special person and we've been together for over 10 years and it's amazing. We fall more and more in love each day.